When to Terminate

On occasion, a counselor will have a client who willingly undertakes a therapeutic relationship of extended length. Eventually this will raise the question of when it is time to terminate. I would suggest that with Pakeha men, the decision to terminate should be made only after as extensive an assessment as is done when therapy begins. Assessment tools for beginning therapy are fairly common (I have earlier suggested one set of questions used by Meth and Pasick), but there are few published tools for assessing the time to terminate. One instrument which may be effective with Pakeha men is a "wholeness wheel."

There are many variations on the wholeness wheel in circulation; I have provided an example commonly used in the field of addiction counselling. The premise of a wholeness wheel is that each part or segment must be individually healthy for the whole person to be whole and integrated. Sickness or pathology in even one of the individual segments will prevent all the other segments from being healthy, and thus prevent holism.

Herein lies the promise for using a wholeness wheel for termination assessments. If we look at the individual parts of the Pakeha masculinity construct, we will see that it is neither particularly healthy nor whole:

Volitional: The power of conformity to the stereotypically masculine must not be underestimated, and by nature inhibits an adult male's free choice until its power is broken.

Relational: Unless challenged and deconstructed, the Man Alone and the absentee Family Man paradigms prevent relational wholeness with partners and children. As well, homophobia cripples a man's ability to be intimate with those who are in the best position to support his change toward health and self-esteem collegially.

Spiritual: Pakeha men are affected negatively by the history of land seizure from New Zealand's indigenous people, and the consumption of natural resources which shaped this country's history as Britain's "bread-basket." However, a man's spiritual life may be difficult to access, since in the historical construct, Christianity and spirituality are traditionally held as being operational spheres appropriate only to women.

Emotional: Alexithymia is the direct negation of emotional health. As long as the open expression of a wide range of emotions is understood to be "womanly," wholeness will remain beyond the reach of Pakeha men.

Physical: Stress, silent suffering, alcohol abuse, a fatty diet, consciously ignoring one's body and its needs, are all enemies of Pakeha male health.

Mental: Many men need to address their own anti-intellectualism, inarticulateness, guardedness, and verbal abuse masquerading as "clever" communication skills.

Men who have begun to change can use the wholeness wheel in consultation with a counselor to target areas in which additional therapeutic work is indicated. The wheel must be adapted for individual needs, of course: physical health for one man may look very different than physical health for another man. As well, any wholeness wheel is automatically an abstraction. The Pakeha male client needs to identify and claim the individual phenomenological reality of his "living out" of the wholeness wheel's abstractions. This too is a crucial part of the wholeness and integration which should be expected from a successful therapeutic treatment.

The approach to "counselling Pakeha males for wholeness" which I have set forth in this chapter is demanding for counselors. It assumes that counselors read New Zealand literature, history, sociology, and gender studies, as well as the more commonly-accepted continuing education in counselling theory. But it is designed as well to take seriously the fact that Pakeha males grow up in a very specific culture with its own unique gender construct of masculinity, which in turn is the source of many of their problems. Only by keeping our focus so narrow can we hope to adequately affirm Pakeha men in their quest toward wholeness.